I will bake a batch of cookies for the genius who discovers what the link is between my seat and any other seat in the house. I have 6 kids but when I need help or desire company at any given moment I might as well be in the middle of the Sahara Desert. Let my behind touch the toilet seat, though, and they're coming out of the woodwork with problems, questions and commentary and who's the only one who'll do? Mom.
Doesn't have to be the toilet, either. Say I retreat to the recliner with a book after a long, busy day. I'm beat, I've been looking forward to reading this book, and the coast is clear - everybody's needs have been met and I can relax with a clear conscience. As soon as my butt hits that chair it completes some mysterious circuit that drops kids out of the ceiling at me like ping-pong balls on Captain Kangaroo.
And will someone please explain to me why my gentle, brilliant husband will bide his time all day and then decide that 2 a.m. is the perfect time to talk??
Friday, July 9, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Seriously Bugged
I am pretty well organized so I keep an "essentials" bag in the back of the minivan at all times. It contains a first-aid kit, sunscreen, bug spray, a box of assorted OTC medications, etc., etc. We took the kids to the river this year for the first time and . . . well, to quote Jack, "Mom, I think somebody switched this "Off" for some "On." This is a particularly bad mosquito year where we live, we had a swarm INSIDE THE VAN, and we all got covered with welts - particularly poor Jack, who looks like a naked Klingon from the back now with all the ridges.
I guess this is actually two bitches: One, why don't they freaking put an expiration date on things like bug spray? And two, why was I such a moron that I didn't CHECK for expiration dates before summer hit? Now we're all going to get malaria and sleeping-sickness and it will be ALL MY FAULT.
I guess this is actually two bitches: One, why don't they freaking put an expiration date on things like bug spray? And two, why was I such a moron that I didn't CHECK for expiration dates before summer hit? Now we're all going to get malaria and sleeping-sickness and it will be ALL MY FAULT.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Head Bangers
Ok, I'm a head banger. I LOVE my husband, but that doesn't elevate either of us to perfection. We will have been married 33 years this coming July, and there are still mysteries in our marriage that I just don't get.
This is a man who built a 4000 square foot house to accommodate my MS and for that alone he will be immediately transported to heaven upon taking his last breath. But why can't he put his own dishes in the dishwasher? It has taken him 33 years to get his detritus somewhere in the vicinity of the kitchen, and sometimes he even makes it into the sink, but INTO THE DW, not yet.
You know you're a head banger when you spend the am rounding up dishes from different crime scenes and put 'em in the dishwasher yourself. You do it for your over-all life, the "GREATER GOOD." But when all is said and done, when the dishwasher is rumbling into sterility, you bang your head against the wall and promise yourself you'll get him to load his own (and I'm not talking about ammo!).
This is a man who built a 4000 square foot house to accommodate my MS and for that alone he will be immediately transported to heaven upon taking his last breath. But why can't he put his own dishes in the dishwasher? It has taken him 33 years to get his detritus somewhere in the vicinity of the kitchen, and sometimes he even makes it into the sink, but INTO THE DW, not yet.
You know you're a head banger when you spend the am rounding up dishes from different crime scenes and put 'em in the dishwasher yourself. You do it for your over-all life, the "GREATER GOOD." But when all is said and done, when the dishwasher is rumbling into sterility, you bang your head against the wall and promise yourself you'll get him to load his own (and I'm not talking about ammo!).
Monday, July 5, 2010
Anonymous writes:
You know what just PISSES me off? I've got an awesome husband who just can't be bothered to get the shit *I* want done, DONE. Because I've "gotten on to him" once again today, he says that this has "become a source of contention and we need to just hire someone to get it done."
Bullshit. That's not the answer. The answer is to CARE that this is important to me and get off your ass to get it done.
Millie says:
Sing it, Sister. You know what I hate most about that? It puts YOU in the position of feeling like the scolding overbearing mother of yet ANOTHER whiny child - when what you WANT is to have a damned PARTNER in this business of keeping house.
They back you into the Bad Nagging Wife corner so you'll retire to lick your wounds and THEY can go back to sitting on the couch, eating Doritos and playing that stupid video game.
I would not be surprised (and I am not advocating this, just observing) if that EXACT behavior was at the root of most divorces.
I think we need to come up with a drink - or maybe a dipped chocolate - called a Bitchin' Post.
Bullshit. That's not the answer. The answer is to CARE that this is important to me and get off your ass to get it done.
Millie says:
Sing it, Sister. You know what I hate most about that? It puts YOU in the position of feeling like the scolding overbearing mother of yet ANOTHER whiny child - when what you WANT is to have a damned PARTNER in this business of keeping house.
They back you into the Bad Nagging Wife corner so you'll retire to lick your wounds and THEY can go back to sitting on the couch, eating Doritos and playing that stupid video game.
I would not be surprised (and I am not advocating this, just observing) if that EXACT behavior was at the root of most divorces.
I think we need to come up with a drink - or maybe a dipped chocolate - called a Bitchin' Post.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
THE DAILY WHINE
We are back up after 24 hours of being held hostage by those blinkin Swedish pirates!
More later, and thanks to TGCG (The Google Coast Guard) for their brilliant defense during our time of captivity.
More later, and thanks to TGCG (The Google Coast Guard) for their brilliant defense during our time of captivity.
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