Sympathy Pangs

Oh man, don'tcha hate it when a good friend is in labor and you don't know how it's going for her?

Good luck, Brianna - we're all pulling for you!

Gnash.

There are days - and this is one of them - when the Fates conspire against me, and things that usually take 5 minutes apiece will take hours and hours and hours.  These are the days - when the freelance writing won't flow, the laundry's backed up and the sweet peas are wilting - when I long for the time when my kids were toddlers.  All I had to do then to be wildly successful was to read Winnie the Pooh, sing a song and pass out a cookie all around - presto, I was Mary Poppins.

Sometimes I think that being a responsible adult is not all it's cracked up to be.

Daily Why-ne

Why does it rain when you need to weed?  Is God sending a message to take it easy??????

Daily Whine

Why does the laundry pile up when you're gone?   Hint:  for a real escape, go to a hotel, where they clean the rooms, make the beds, wash the linens, put away the food, prepare the meals, do the dishes, etc.

Throne Moan

I will bake a batch of cookies for the genius who discovers what the link is between my seat and any other seat in the house.  I have 6 kids but when I need help or desire company at any given moment I might as well be in the middle of the Sahara Desert.  Let my behind touch the toilet seat, though, and they're coming out of the woodwork with problems, questions and commentary and who's the only one who'll do?  Mom.

Doesn't have to be the toilet, either.  Say I retreat to the recliner with a book after a long, busy day.  I'm beat, I've been looking forward to reading this book, and the coast is clear - everybody's needs have been met and I can relax with a clear conscience.  As soon as my butt hits that chair it completes some mysterious circuit that drops kids out of the ceiling at me like ping-pong balls on Captain Kangaroo.

And will someone please explain to me why my gentle, brilliant husband will bide his time all day and then decide that 2 a.m. is the perfect time to talk??

Seriously Bugged

I am pretty well organized so I keep an "essentials" bag in the back of the minivan at all times.  It contains a first-aid kit, sunscreen, bug spray, a box of assorted OTC medications, etc., etc.  We took the kids to the river this year for the first time and . . . well, to quote Jack, "Mom, I think somebody switched this "Off" for some "On."  This is a particularly bad mosquito year where we live, we had a swarm INSIDE THE VAN, and we all got covered with welts - particularly poor Jack, who looks like a naked Klingon from the back now with all the ridges.

I guess this is actually two bitches: One, why don't they freaking put an expiration date on things like bug spray?  And two, why was I such a moron that I didn't CHECK for expiration dates before summer hit?  Now we're all going to get malaria and sleeping-sickness and it will be ALL MY FAULT.

Daily Whine

Why do we have to get dressed for the day?